Tag Archives: suicide

2 years later

This day 2 years ago I decided to die. I made a plan, bought a bottle of vodka, set my alarm for 6am full of intention. In my head my life was over anyway. I was 29, an alcoholic that couldn’t grasp recovery, and I could see no future for myself. I had no hope. I genuinely believed the people I loved would be better off without me. As it turned out God had different plans for me. 

Today I sit here at 6am drinking my coffee and marvelling at all I would have missed in just 2 years had I died. Not just the big material things like my beautiful new car that I’m picking up today or my custom made bicycle. Not just the good things like the close supportive relationships I have with my family, friends, colleagues and fellow alcoholics. The bad things too. The people I’ve grieved, the relationships I’ve lost, the pain I went through to get to where I am today.

Today I am excited about the day ahead, the week ahead, the life ahead of me. It’s not always easy but that’s how we learn to appreciate the good times, the good things and the good people. 

Today I am full of joy. Full of peace. Full of gratitude. 

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