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2 years later

This day 2 years ago I decided to die. I made a plan, bought a bottle of vodka, set my alarm for 6am full of intention. In my head my life was over anyway. I was 29, an alcoholic that couldn’t grasp recovery, and I could see no future for myself. I had no hope. I genuinely believed the people I loved would be better off without me. As it turned out God had different plans for me. 

Today I sit here at 6am drinking my coffee and marvelling at all I would have missed in just 2 years had I died. Not just the big material things like my beautiful new car that I’m picking up today or my custom made bicycle. Not just the good things like the close supportive relationships I have with my family, friends, colleagues and fellow alcoholics. The bad things too. The people I’ve grieved, the relationships I’ve lost, the pain I went through to get to where I am today.

Today I am excited about the day ahead, the week ahead, the life ahead of me. It’s not always easy but that’s how we learn to appreciate the good times, the good things and the good people. 

Today I am full of joy. Full of peace. Full of gratitude. 

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Choices 

Choices. That’s essentially what life boils down to. Today was St Patricks Day. I’m a 30 year young recovering alcoholic. I had many choices today. I could have got up and,  after 15 months sober,  taken a drink and be dead or institutionalised within 6 months. I could have stayed home all day hiding and being miserable about not being able to drink, when the whole world seemes to be at it today . Or I could could get out and enjoy the millions of options I have now that I’m free. 

So, today I got up, got dressed and took part in a 10km road race. I loved it. I was tired and soaked and sore and free. I ate pizza and watched tv with my family. I spent an hour with other drunks sharing stories. 

Family, living and being part of something bigger. They are the things I choose today. Because I don’t have to drink anything is possible every day. 

Today wasn’t perfect but damn it was close.